I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
