If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
