New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
