Whod you bang
I puked a lego.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
