So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
