ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
