you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
