Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
