just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
we should paint friendship bongs
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
