Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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