She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
