I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
