I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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