smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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