I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
