I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
