happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
