Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
