This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
