So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
