DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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