Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
