Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
