White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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