first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
