her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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