At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
