I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
