Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
