I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
