I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
