not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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