Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
