i jhust puked up my retainher.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
