I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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