If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
