Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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