Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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