Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
