So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
where are you?
Hypothermia
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
