The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
