how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
