why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
of course. lets lasso hookers.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am available for nakedness
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
