kristin has been a bad kristin
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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