this boner is exhausting
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
