I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
