i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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