im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
