So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
