Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
