It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
