i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
