You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
