I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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