i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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