Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
