I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
