Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Randomize
